Independent Georgia man, Danny Unfettered, admitted that he is completely conflicted over which candidates he will vote for in January’s US senate run-off elections. He has found himself at the crossroads of trying to figure out which senate party he closely identifies with. He has been looking over his mail-in ballot for the past several days, trying to discern which candidates he should choose.
“I just can’t make up my mind,” lamented Fetter. “Ossoff seems to be a good choice. His platform includes commissioning an agency to study the effects of alien spaceships alighting on banana plantations in the country of Saudi Arabia. This is good legislation, because I eat a lot of bananas.
“Then there is Ossoff ‘s opponent, Perdue,” continued Unfettered. “He plans on introducing a bill that will declare cat hair balls as a health emergency. I have a cat that vomits hair balls every now and then. The bill is a good bill, which makes it difficult to choose who to vote for.”
“In the other race, Warnock has proposed having all of the elected members of Congress have their interns wear rabbit suits and carry around Easter baskets while performing their work duties. This will give the semblance that every day will be an Easter Day. I really like Easter - it’s the best holiday of the year!”
“And finally, there is Warnock’s opponent, Loeffler, who plans to form a committee to explore the social characteristics of trees. The study will be funded by a fart tax. The more you fart, the more taxes you pay. Trees are important. If you don’t have trees, you don’t have money to buy pixy dust.”
As of press time, Unfettered headed out to the grocery store to buy some ice-cream. He couldn’t decide on chocolate or strawberry, so he bought a half gallon of vanilla, instead.
