WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – A source inside the White House has said that Pfizer Pharmaceuticals will be shipping the first vaccines out of their factory to the White House.
The unnamed source said that he actually saw the purchase order that was personally signed by President Trump.
Since viewing the order sent to Pfizer, the White House source learned from one of the maids, that Trump is planning on selling the entire 9,000 vaccines to his closest staff members, friends, and relatives.
Trump being ever the shrewd businessman, has since ordered 30,000 more vaccines, which he will be selling for $3,750 each.
When iRumors asked the President about these amazing personal vaccine purchases, he angrily replied that he is getting tired of people asking him so many "Gotcha" questions
He then added, in his patented narcissistic Trumpian voice, that if he wants to buy all the vaccines that Pfizer, Moderna, and AstraZeneca have on stock, then he will damn well do it, since that is just one of the nice perks of being king, ah president of the United States.