Big Pharma Introduces Vaccine to Protect Against Side Effects of Vaccines

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Thursday, 17 January 2019

image for Big Pharma Introduces Vaccine to Protect Against Side Effects of Vaccines
This mouse and others selflessly sacrificed themselves to test the safety of Smerck's V-2 vaccine vaccine for use on humans.

Pharmaceutical giant Smerck & Co., Inc. recently announced the introduction of a new vaccine designed to immunize against potentially harmful side effects of vaccines like the widely-popular flu vaccine.

Smerck CEO Kent Fraser stated, “We deny, of course, that any such harmful side effects exist, and we disclaim reports of fever, joint pain, vomiting, fatigue, and other conditions allegedly associated with the flu shot. That being said, those who have called into question the safety and efficacy of the flu vaccine will find it extremely reassuring that Smerck's V-2 or ‘Double-V’ vaccine, which has been tested on countless helpless non-human animals, is specifically designed to immunize patients against any theoretical harmful side effects of the flu vaccine."

Fraser emphasized that the V-2 vaccine does not in any way alter the effectiveness of the flu shot.

Smerck's announcement of its new vaccine vaccine prompted a sharp spike in company stock value, an increase which Fraser anticipates will only accelerate as more and more patients seek protection against the (perceived) negative effects of the flu vaccine.

“This is going to be really, really big for our company,” the beaming CEO told a roomful of Smerck shareholders. "Big enough, in fact, to be our next Vynoxx," he predicted, referring to Smerck's blockbuster pain medication that made the company billions before being withdrawn from the market due to health risks like cardiac arrest. He chuckled and added, "Minus the recall, that is.”

And according to Fraser, the V-2 vaccine is only the first in a number of groundbreaking new immunizations to be introduced by Smerck; next to come is a vaccine for autism.

"Coming soon!" promised Fraser. "Keep an eye out."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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