Victim who sent police to wrong house, resulting in SWAT killing an innocent family, is jailed for murder

Funny story written by Peter Pillox

Tuesday, 20 October 2020

image for Victim who sent police to wrong house, resulting in SWAT killing an innocent family, is jailed for murder
On our way to an address near you. Do YOU have a funeral plan, mutherfucka?

A rape victim who dialled 911 when the man whose house she was visiting unexpectedly raped her, but got the house number wrong because she had never been there before, and was suffering from PTSD from the attack, was yesterday convicted of murder, when a heavily-armed SWAT team turned up at the address she had given and shot everyone.

This is the latest incident in what has been called “SWATTING” – where people falsely report a violent crime to get the police to wipe out someone they don’t like. Under US law, if the police are informed of a violent incident at a private residence, they are entitled to attend in large numbers, wearing body armour carrying automatic weapons, and to shoot anyone inside the house who doesn’t listen to everything they say. Typical police instructions include “Get your filthy ass on the floor” (please lie down), “Grab the ceiling, dickwad” (please put your arms up), “Shut the fuck up” (please don’t say anything), “Take one step and you’re history” (please stay where you are) and “Do you wanna make something of it, motherfucker?” (please stay out of the way, sir).

The rape victim sobbed in court, after she was given sixty years in prison for murder 1. The husband and father of her victims told the court what had happened. “We were settling down to watch Fox News, when the door burst open, and several heavily armed people in black, wearing night vision googles, charged in and shouted at us to get on the floor. My 2-year-old daughter crawled out of the living room, my wife tried to reach her, and the police shot her. Then they shot our daughter for disobeying their instructions. They kept barking orders at me but I couldn’t hear what they wanted me to do, due to a threshold shift caused by the gunfire, so they shot my legs off. I lost my wife, my child and my legs. I’m mad as hell at the evil bitch who sent the cops to my house by mistake. I hope she rots in prison.”

A long list of people have ended up being shot in their own houses by trigger-happy cops, because they thought they were being robbed, couldn’t hear the instructions amidst all the explosions around them, didn’t speak “cop” or simply froze in abject fear at the sight of a dozen figures in black masks and uniforms pointing military gear in their faces in their bedroom.

The police operate a register of people who “don’t want to be shot”, but most people don’t realise they can register for “not being shot”.

Meanwhile, one Mafia assassin has complained that killing people has become too easy. "In the past, you needed to plan your murder for months, now you just dial 911 and let the cops do the killing for you,” the unnamed hitman told a late-night radio phone-in program. “It makes it easier for the amateurs and gives professionals like me a bad name."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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