Jeffrey Toobin, famed legal analyst for CNN has been allowed to take time off from the job of belittling Trump to tend to “a small personal matter” says the network.
The incident that sparked the trouble occurred during a CNN election show rehearsal, which CNN referred to as an “election simulation.” According to Toobin, he thought he had been asked to participate in an “erection stimulation” exercise, an honest mistake.
While his co-workers at the network were shocked to find Toobin openly stimulating himself during the zoom call, they were even more shocked at his diminutive size. Of course, the incident has been handled with the usual CNN delicacy, and his coworkers at the network have all rallied around the embarrassed analyst, saying that anyone could have made the same mistake.
“Jeffrey has been allowed to take some time off to tend to his little personal problem,” the network announced in the wake of Toobin’s exposure.
According to insiders, however, Toobin is not happy with even this mild formulation. “My hands are as big as Trump’s hands,” Toobin apparently fumed to his attorneys.
Fox News’ Sean Hannity took the opportunity to lob a hot take at Toobin’s misfortune. “I’m surprised anyone even noticed Jeffery was masturbating. My first reaction was that it had to be something to do with the Russians. Really, there was nothing to see there,” Hannity joked.
