Biden Promises to Calm Hurricanes in His First Term

Funny story written by G. Brookings

Monday, 14 September 2020

image for Biden Promises to Calm Hurricanes in His First Term
With a new brain, I could put out a big fire!

Speaking today from Wilmington Delaware, Presidential Candidate Joe Biden said, "Donald Trump's climate denial may not have caused these fires and record floods and record hurricanes, but if he gets a second term, these hellish events will continue to become more common, more devastating and more deadly."

While Biden did not make clear why mother nature would become more docile under a Democratic administration, he clearly implied that if he, Biden, were elected, the fires, floods and hurricanes would decline within his first four-year term, although he did not take the opportunity to explain how he would accomplish this nearly miraculous feat.

Reacting to the nearly instant criticism and catcalls from the right that his promises were pure political balderdash, and that nothing Joe Biden could do would affect global climate change in the next four or even forty years, Biden doubled down. “People are always doubting the power of American resolve. If we can go to the moon in ten years, we can solve the climate thing--which is about earth, a place a lot closer to us than the moon--in four years. Now, don’t get me wrong. We won’t stop rain altogether, or ban fire or wind, because that would be a bad thing. But never underestimate the power of wishful thinking. Think of Pinocchio, who wanted to be a real boy. And he became a boy! Think of the Wizard of Oz, where …the little girl…you know the one… Lucy… and her dog whats-his-name wanted to go home. She closed her eyes and clicked her heals together. We can do it, believe me!”

In a post speech critique, conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh asked, “Folks, do we believe him?... Nope. Can you imagine, this man who forgets Judy Garland’s name, who couldn’t remember the words to ‘Over the Rainbow’ if a tornado picked up his Delaware house and took it for a spin to OZ, convincing American workers to willingly accept blackouts and power shortages? Everyone hooking up to windmills in North Dakota? Let’s just see in November if that big wooden nose of Biden’s looks enough like Moses’ staff to convince a Red Sea of skeptics to part for him.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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