Oregon wildfire smoke making it difficult for everyone to see his sick gains, complains Hexxus

Funny story written by Scott Del Rio

Saturday, 12 September 2020

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Hexxus' smokin' hot bod

(Oregon)-Hexxus, toxic apparition and avatar of the forces of Destruction, was last seen on a fiery ridge in the Oregon Cascades complaining about how no one was able to see his sick gains because of poor visibility.

“You know it takes a lot of effort to go from something the plumber pulls out of your shower drain to this!” he said, as he flexed his ethereal smokey biceps to a terrified lost hiker, who managed to relay us his words. “I've been really dedicated to hoovering up this smoke. It's important for a young, sentient death cloud to focus on natural, organic toxins, before moving on to more complex hydrocarbon waste created by burning homes, cars and businesses.”

The hiker, fearing for her corporeal form, asked the god of death and pollution about what his biggest struggle had been so far, in order to gain the fiend's favor. “The hardest thing? Oh, definitely my legs.” He then allowed his shapely legs to materialize underneath his floating form. “When you can do THAT, it's easy to forget about them. I mean, every once in a while it's got to be LEG day, not just LOG day, am I right?” Our hiker says they laughed nervously and was soon coughing uncontrollably which Hexxus appeared to have interpreted as having “nailed it”.

It was at this point in the hiker's testimony that Hexxus let out a mighty belch that lit a nearby ridge on fire. “Man, that was easy. This place is a tinderbox.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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