FARGO, North Dakota – (Satire News) – Local authorities informed the local CBS television affiliate that, acting on a tip, they apprehended an elderly woman in possession of a large amount of illegal opioids.
The Fargo Police Department arrested 94-year-old Cleo Bernice Finnery as she sat quietly in her car eating some Chicken McNuggets at a local McDonalds.
Mrs. Finnery was asked to remove her blouse, so that a female officer could check her bra for anything illegal.
The two FPD officers laughed when Cleo said that she would rather be checked out by the male officer.
Upon inspection, it was determined that Miss Cleo had put 283 opioid pills in her size 44-DDDD bra.
When asked what she was going to do with the illegal pills, she replied that she had no idea, and added that the officers would have to ask her 37-year-old boyfriend, Chipper McBibble.
Mrs. Finnery is presently out on an $845 bond, and is awaiting trial on illegally transporting a large quantity of opioid pills in a brassiere.