JoJo, A Blue Heeler-Terrier Mix, Befuddles Hen House Invader

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Tuesday, 16 June 2020

image for JoJo, A Blue Heeler-Terrier Mix, Befuddles Hen House Invader

BILLINGSGATE POST: Who would have thought that a chance encounter between a Jack Russell Terrier and a Blue Heeler would produce JoJo? Terriers are typically small, wiry, game and fearless, while Blue Heelers are herders, known for their quirky penchant for allowing uninvited visitors into one’s home, but not letting them leave.

Charles Darwin warned of this possible evolution by natural selection in his book, “On the Origin of Species.” Even Darwin couldn’t have imagined the perfect storm that created JoJo.

JoJo had walked the mean streets of Beaver Crossing, Nebraska, for perhaps a month, before he was apprehended by Joe Kokolochek, the animal control officer. Placed in the town’s pet adoption center, JoJo was eventually adopted by Elmer Smuckmeister, who had just recently lost his significant other, Lizzie, his beloved sheep.

Upon being handed the papers releasing JoJo to him, Elmer told Ms. Heidi:

“I hope this sum bitch ain’t one of those egg suckers.”

Some of the gossipy town folk thought Elmer suffered from a form of dementia that made him believe that someone was coming into his hen house at night, surreptitiously exchanging white eggs for brown ones. With brown eggs selling at a premium, Elmer said it was hurting him in the pocketbook.

Well, the first thing Elmer did when he brought JoJo home was deputize him. The first night, JoJo drew the midnight shift. Guarding a henhouse wasn’t exactly his dream job, though. When the door to the hen house squeaked open around 4:00 AM, JoJo didn’t know whether to shit or go blind.

There he was, Horace Hecker, one of Elmer’s neighbors. Masked, and carrying a basket of white eggs, Horace didn’t expect to be confronted by a watch dog.

Confused, but not otherwise conflicted, JoJo sprung to action. Instead of going for Horace Hecker’s heels, he went for his buttocks. Shaking Hecker like a rag doll, with eggs flying every which where, JoJo did more than bark the bark; he walked the bark.

Hecker was last seen nursing wounds to his buttocks. His egg-swapping days over, a remorseful miscreant thwarted by a mixed-breed mutt.

Slim: “What greater love does a dog have for his master than to save his eggs?”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Should get JoJo into the Alpo Hall of Fame.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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