Gun-toting Michiganders Burn Witch As They Protest State's Coronavirus Lockdown

Written by Dewani Unhatched

Saturday, 2 May 2020

image for Gun-toting Michiganders Burn Witch As They Protest State's Coronavirus Lockdown
Burn baby burn...

Riotous, chanting, gun-toting, machine gun-wielding, and frenzied protesters against Michigan's coronavirus lockdown have burned, what they claim, was a local witch, on the steps of the state capitol building.

Hundreds of demonstrators, many of them virgins and armed, gathered in Lansing as area physician, Betty Cripps, was tied to a stake and set on fire. Many did not wear masks or partake of social distancing.

Police were unable to intervene.

"Witch. She was a goddam witch and a liberal. And a commie. She got what was coming to her," said one young man brandishing a large rifle, but endowed with a very small penis.

Governor Gretchen Whitmer, who, according to some, could also be a witch, extended her stay-at-home mandate earlier this month until 15 May.

Michigan has been hard hit by the coronavirus, with 3,788 deaths but that did not deter throngs of cheering morons gathered to witness the execution of 65-year-old Betty.

“There’s something about a good old-fashioned lynching or burning that brings folks together. It's been the highlight of my week," said demonstrator, Wendy Bulbous, an obese CPA with saggy tits and hairy legs. "She was in league with Beelzebub. No doubt about it. Hocus pocus doesn't go down well here. Science? Bullshit. God hates science."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more