Los Angeles, CA. Andy Cooperson reporting for The Spoof. The Kingston Trio hasn't written a song about him - yet - but the unnamed Angeleno who has been standing at the corner of Figueroa and 8th street since early yesterday, waiting for the pedestrian signal to turn green, has become the latest victim of the coronavirus. His wife fears he may never return, like the guy who couldn't get off the MTA.
In the wee hours of Thursday morning, the Los Angeles street department, as a virus precaution, posted signs on pedestrian traffic light actuators, informing walkers that they were not to touch the walk button. That was all right at those intersections where the "Walk" light automatically came on when traffic moved in the same direction, but at Fig, as the locals call it, and 8th, the pedestrian light only activates when someone pushes the button.
Our unidentified walker has dutifully waited for the light to turn green so that he can cross Fig. Urged to walk up a block to 7th, where pedestrians get an automatic green, he refused, insisting that he had a right to cross at 8th. When it was suggested that he take out his pencil and push the button with the eraser end, he said he had to obey the sign.
Volunteers from "Meals on Wheels" have been delivering food. He has reluctantly used the restroom in a nearby office building, always fearful that the green light will turn on while he's tinkling.
The weatherman has predicted rain and thunderstorms for the city beginning tonight, and a nearby homeless contingent has offered shelter.
Instead, his wife brought an umbrella for him.