STD Numbers Drop For The First Time in 17 Years

Written by Fannin Fabriano

Sunday, 12 April 2020

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Tucker Carlson of Fox News is reporting that condom sales are way down.

CHICAGO – Recent polls report that STD numbers are at the lowest level that they have been since March of 2003.

The figures clearly show that, since so many individuals are now sheltering-in-place, the incidences of vodie oh doeing have just about hit rock bottom.

One of the nation's leading sex experts, Angelina Cappaletti, 57, said that, even if individuals wanted to date, there is nowhere for them to go, other than on a date to their neighborhood grocery store or gasoline station.

Lorna Lou Fitzgerald, 42, a Baltimore sex therapist, commented that she is still seeing most of her clients, but through the world of “Face Timing”.

She pointed out that a vast amount of her female clients have said that they have discovered the wondrous world of “adult sex toys”.

One woman, who worked at a Hooters, said that, after ordering and receiving her mail order sex toy and trying it out, she has decided that she will be breaking up with her boyfriend of eight months.

She said that she loves her new sex toy because it never says that her clothes don’t look good, or that her make-up looks weird, or that she really needs to make an effort to remember to shave both legs and not just one.

IN CLOSING - The Detroit Daily Divulger is reporting that the number of STD cases have really fallen significantly in San Francisco, Atlanta, Pocatello, and Denmark.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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