Married Couples Are Starting To Practice Social Distancing Sex

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 23 March 2020

image for Married Couples Are Starting To Practice Social Distancing Sex
A newly-wed couple practicing 'social distancing' while on their honeymoon down in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.

WEST HOLLYWOOD - The American Intercourse Council has issued some guidelines that it is asking married couples to follow.

After much discussion within the organization, they have decided to make a recommendation in keeping with the social-distancing manifesto that the government will be implementing.

The AIC has stipulated that it does not want to interfere with a couple’s Horizontal Be Bopping (i.e. Vavavooming), but folks are going to definitely have to modify the coital act.

The AIC suggests that, in order to keep six feet apart, participants should turn off the lights until it is completely pitch black, and simply fantasize that they are engaging in the act, so to speak.

They point out that many people (after just a few times) will actually begin to enjoy the creative nature of this type of social sexual-distancing, especially if they embrace the concept of "Fantasy Gourmet Sex".

Studies have shown that some of the ‘in the dark’ couples will even use sexy made-up names for their partner, or, in some cases, they will use the names of a co-worker, a boss, a neighbor, or a stranger that they saw at the local McDonalds.

SIDENOTE: The AIC does want to point out that, if someone feels uncomfortable in any way, they should use a ‘safe word’ to end the merriment. The AIC suggests using the following words or phrases: Whoa!; Nope, nope, nope!; No way Jose!; or Stop that right friggin now!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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