'Canadian Polar Bears Scupper Biggest Business Deal In History'

Funny story written by Mr Anorchristic

Tuesday, 3 September 2013


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The First Mobile 'Brick' Phone Ever Used Yesterday

The head of Verhizon Communications Inc. says the U.S. Company is not planning to enter the Canadian wireless telecom market because of Polar Bears and French speaking Quebecois people ''who make me sick as they have been persecuting Polar Bears''.

"Verhizon is not going to Canada," company CEO Lowell Macadam said in an interview with Boomberg yesterday. Macadam said speculation that his company was about to wade Into the Canadian market was "way overblown'' and that ''Canada is full of Polar Bear killing Francophiles''.

He made the comments following the announcement of a deal that will see Verhizon pay $130 billion US to buy the 45 per cent stake in Verhizon Wireless that is currently held by British cellphone company Vodaphone, which was set up in 1985 in a strip club in Soho by two sex workers, a strip of chewing gum, some copper wire and a Pakistani dyslexic midget in fishnet stockings and no hands - Paknet was formed as a joint venture between Racial Telecom and Fable & Tireless.

The Vodaphone analogue network was the first cellular network to launch in the UK, as the first call was made from a pole dancing club in St Catherine's Dock in London 1985, the conversation was recorded as: ''Can I get a cab to Curry Corner in Norbury'' and it soon became the most well-known conversation to take place, since Neil Armstrong's message to Huston Control, when he landed on the moon at Universal Studios, pretending to be on Apollo 11 which never really left the NASA's car-park.

A Verhizon spokeswoman who cannot be named for legal reasons, confirmed Macadam's comments to the world business media, saying ''the CEO said at this point in time, the company doesn't plan to enter the Canadian wireless market because we are putting data processing chips into Polar Bears as this is where the future lay in mobile networks'' and that ''we will be investing £35billion into Polar Bear behavior because when all the money is gone, nobody will ask exactly where it has gone. Why steal and hide £35 billion when you can steal and hide $130billion at three times the cost?''.

In an astute business move, Microsofte decided to buy Nockia for a massive £2billion as Bill Gates decided to spend his weekend pocket money and buy something different because he had already bought half of the world already and was ''bored''.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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