Joe Biden Tells of Smoothing Pavement and Racial Tensions in S.C. Speech

Written by Harry Klondike

Friday, 14 February 2020

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Charleston, S.C. - Joe Biden told a peculiar tale of his adventures with a man named “Afro-Bunny”, a car trunk, and a wild ride down a road full of potholes.

An audience of potential Biden supporters were treated to a rambling tale of a teen’s misguided life set back on track due to a decades old encounter with Joe Biden.

Here is the transcript of what he said:
“You know, you African Americans are the most unappreciated part of the electorate. You people helped build the country, the infrastructure, contributed to the nation’s culture and values. Lemme tell you a story... way back I was traveling through this very area and had a flat tire. Now, remember, this was back in the 1980s. We didn’t just have telephones that were easy to get to. So I had to do the old fashioned thing of stickin’ my thumb out, and hoping someone would help. An African American man stopped and gave me a lift to his house. Thank God the man had a phone! I called AAA, and afterward we started talkin’ about how rough the ride was in his pickup truck when we got onto the back roads. It was bad man, I mean potholes the size of dinner plates. About that time, he offered to let be borrow his banged-up Volkswagen Beetle to get back to my office in Columbia. So we get outside, and this scrawny kid comes running out of the garage. The old guy yells "hey, Afro-Bunny, hold it!" Turns out, this young man had been stealing tools and sniffing gasoline from neighbors, causing them lots of problems. Now, you folks might not remember the afro hair style. Well, this kid had one, and it was big man...“

Audience laughs a bit.

“...seriously folks, the kid’s hair was big enough, a turkey vulture could have nested in it. Anyway, I said, "why do they call you Afro-Bunny?" He said, because people said he had an Afro so big that’d it’d cottontail the butts of a thousand bald rabbits. So I said to the old guy, "you want me to teach him a lesson?" He said, "sure". So I said "Afro-Bunny, what’s your real name?" He said, "Martin". I said, "Martin, get in the trunk of that car." Now, guys, remember the old Beetle cars? The trunk was in the front, not the back. So he gets in, and I close the lid. There must have been a bush of hair the size of a grapefruit sticking out in front of the car with that lid closed. So I take off down the street jerking the wheel left and right, and hitting all those potholes. After about a quarter mile, I stopped at the stop sign and let him out, and said, "if you steal any more, or get up to any shenanigans, I’ll take you on another ride, only next time, it’ll be across the country!

"Turns out, his dad was an influential businessman. He called me personally, and thanked me for setting his boy straight, and at his son’s urging, he contacted the local politicians to get that road patched up.

"See, that’s called domino-type leadership - one good falls into another good. I believe in good people and good leadership. I believe in America, I believe in real black people, and I believe in you!”

When questioned about Biden’s leadership ability, attendees primarily retorted with laughter or a somber head shake of no.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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