Written by joseph k winter

Tuesday, 11 October 2016

image for The President in the locker room
The White House locker room will be kept tidy, Mr Trump says

Spoof Investigations has just been handed a video related to a certain candidate for president in the 2016 election.

It shows him in his own locker room at Trump Tower being interviewed by a radio show host with first name Billy.

This new interview was held directly after Mr. Trump's problems surfaced last Friday over his grabbing women by the you-know.

Mr. Trump is murmuring to Billy that as "hot" celebrity, he could do "anything."

In this new video, Mr. Trump is sitting down in his personal Trump Tower locker room to make sure the public understands how miserable and contrite he now is.

This is how he will be in the Presidential Locker Room no problem.

He has moved on from that teenage type of stuff with main attention on where a boy's hand naturally rests at night and in the morning.

"Sure," he says, "I used to be magnetized by pretty women, and just had to kiss them and run my hand up their skirts, and grab 'em by the what is it-- Oh, oh, okay. I'm not supposed to say that other word."

All of it now past?

Of course of course, long gone by. Mr. Trump is now mature and dignified, and understands people, especially women.

But as president?

No no no there would absolutely be no problems whatever. Besides, as president he would be dealing with older females in leadership positions.

Could he clarify this statement?

Women across the globe in leadership positions are usually middle-aged or older. So the desire to grab them would be minimal.

Minimal?

"Well, you know, some of them, I might want to . . . I mean Dilma Rousseff maybe, but she's gone now. And she could have kicked me right in the balls, I realize that. Then there's Angela Merkel--"

They might appeal to him?

No no no. Not saying they would be tempting, and, besides, any military confrontations over this sort of thing, if it happened, would be no contest.

Especially with Mr. Trump's plans to rebuild the military.

Theresa May? The Queen? Is there a limit?

"Of course. But keep in mind I will be even hotter than ever being President, but I won't take advantage of that--although I could! You do understand that? But I swear I won't."

But suppose a female world leader--young enough, with something, you know, to grab?

"Well, I mean in that case what if she grabs me first? Well, then. That's a game changer!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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