Nashville Man Hits a Wall

Written by Chrissy Benson

Friday, 14 February 2020

image for Nashville Man Hits a Wall
Kyle Gentry was hit hard by Pink Floyd’s landmark 1979 album.

Kyle Gentry of Nashville, Tennessee, was happily cruising down the road one afternoon in his 2006 Pontiac when he hit a wall – or, more accurately, The Wall.

"It was Pink Floyd’s groundbreaking album," Kyle explained. "Someone had hurled it out a window just as I was driving by, and I wasn’t able to swerve out of the way in time."

He shook his head regretfully. "I felt so bad. I've always loved that album."

Kyle later learned that, during a heated argument with her musician boyfriend, Woodward Barnes, Jennifer Lawrence had decided to decimate Woodward’s cherished vinyl collection, which she claimed he loved more than her. Jennifer then proceeded to toss Woodward’s records out their bedroom window one by one.

According to Kyle, Woodward came running out of the house, desperately trying to catch the albums in midair. While he managed to save a few, it was too late for The Wall, which had shattered upon its impact with Kyle’s vehicle. "It was the last record I ever wanted to break," said Kyle. "But so it goes."

Rocked on multiple levels by the motor-musical collision, Kyle has had trouble moving on since the incident. "I’d already been feeling pretty isolated, and this was kind of the last brick in the wall. It's like, hello, is there anybody out there? Mainly, though, I'm just numb." He shook his head. "What can I say? That album hit me hard."

Despite her role in the record-breaking incident, Jennifer Lawrence has refused to apologize – to Woodward, or to Kyle. "My advice to them is to man up," she said. "Everyone has to face the music at some point. Deal with it."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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