Man Decides To Have A 'Durutti Column Weekend'

Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 8 February 2020

image for Man Decides To Have A 'Durutti Column Weekend'
Tinkle, tinkle, plink, plink

A man who loves listening to music, but who hasn't had the chance for a 'maximum blowout' in a very long time, will put that right this weekend, and will stage one at his home, featuring his Durutti Column collection.

Moys Kenwood, 56, has followed the fortunes of the band since they were formed in 1978, and has laid his hands on most of their 28 CDs in that time.

He also has a vinyl copy of the album, 'The Return of the Durutti Column' with its legendary Situationist-inspired sandpaper sleeve.

Said Kenwood:

"That album has been played only once. Two days after I bought it, I went out and bought another - in a regular sleeve - and the one with the sandpaper sleeve has been kept separately since then."

He went on:

"I'm going to use my step-daughter's boom-box, so that the music will resound throughout the district, enabling all and sundry to enjoy the sounds of the Durutti Column with me - whether they want to, or not."

Described by Deborah Curtis - wife of the Joy Division frontman, Ian - in her 1995 book, 'Touching From A Distance', as "the sound of Jack Frost dancing on a window pane", the Durutti Column are the sublime, genre-defying golden nugget of the Manchester-based Factory Records operation established by Anthony H. Wilson and Alan Erasmus.

The whole musical discography of the Manchester-based band led by guitarist, Vini Reilly, will be brought to bear on the as-yet unsuspecting locals who normally prefer their traditional tunes accompanied by dancers with pointy hats swaying their hands back and forth at the wrists, contorting their fingers with extremely long nails as they do.

"I'm going to start with the first album, and work my way from there, he said, adding, "I should be finished sometime on Sunday night."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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