Way Is Now Open For Jussie Smollett To Become The New Chewbacca

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 6 May 2019

image for Way Is Now Open For Jussie Smollett To Become The New Chewbacca
You can understand why Smollett gets so confused!

When telecommunications pioneer Alexander Graham Bell spoke the famous words "When one door closes, another door opens", he couldn't possibly have had Jussie Smollett in mind, but those were precisely the words that would have been ringing in the disgraced former 'Empire' actor's ears as he woke up on Friday morning and heard the news of British actor Peter Mayhew's untimely death, and realized that the way for himself to become the new Chewbacca was now open.

Currently, unemployed, Smollett was recently involved in an incident with Chicago Police, in which he lied that he had been attacked by two white men, when he had actually been 'attacked' by two black men who he had paid to attack him.

It sounds complicated, but isn't really. It was all because he was dissatisfied with his meager salary whilst working on 'Empire', which he now doesn't.

It's been known for some time, however, that Smollett has always coveted the role of the 'Star Wars' Wookiee, Chewbacca, and now his chance has arrived!

Smollett, 36, has been a massive 'Star Wars' fan all of his life, and the giant, hairy Wookiee his favorite character. It would be a dream for him to don the Chewy suit, and to reach the pinnacle of a career that is now festering in a gutter, if not the sewers that run underneath that gutter.

When we contacted Smollett, he assumed the instantly-recognizable voice of the former British actor, Sir Richard Burton, and said:

"When one door closes another door opens, but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."

George Lucas was unavailable for comment.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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