Twelve Days of Impeachment

Funny story written by JennyNorthStar

Friday, 13 December 2019

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Washington, D.C. - After a marathon Thursday session of the U.S. House Representatives Judiciary Committee, known as the Impeachment Markup Hearing, a vote on two articles of impeachment against President Donald Trump was postponed until Friday morning. Committee chairman, Jerry Nadler (D-NY) said: "He wanted more members to search their consciences before the final committee vote."

Ha. Ha. Ha. As if any Democrat congress person actually has a conscience.

Some speculate the delay may have been motivated by timing. The impeachment markup hearing stretched over 14 tedious, boring, unrelenting hours on Thursday. Members at times used their five-minute segments with impassioned speeches about how some distant family member served in some war or they had been oppressed by Trump because of their race. The same arguments, which people had already been hearing for weeks, were on an endless loop. Of course, every Republican amendment submitted was automatically rejected. The chance of any tortured individual who might have been watching it all unfold on television who was actually awake, was slim-to-none. Obviously, having a vote when someone might be watching sounded like a much better idea to Nadler.

Before closing the "markup" session Chairman Nadler said: "Sorry this all has to be done during the holidays, but saving our country, upholding our constitutional duties, and winning the next election is much more important." In response, Jim Jordan (R-Oh) said: "Since the Democrats are ruining Christmas for everyone, I'd like to submit our "markup" of the "Twelve Days of Christmas".

Shown below what was entered into the Congressional record.

12 Days of Impeachment

On the first day of Impeachment the democrats gave to me,
Pelosi saying it was bribery.

On the second day of impeachment the democrats gave to me,
Two whistle blowers, and
Pelosi saying it's time to set America free.

On the third day of Impeachment the democrats gave to me,
Three cloistered witnesses,
Two whistle blowers,
and Pelosi singing "...from sea to shining sea."

On the fourth day of Impeachment the democrats gave to me,
Four Constitutional "experts",
Three cloistered witnesses,
Two whistle blowers,
and Pelosi saying: "It's her destiny."

On the fifth day of Impeachment the democrats gave to me,
Five more reasons to hate Trump,
Four Constitutional "experts",
Three cloistered witnesses,
Two whistle blowers,
and Pelosi saying: "She's doing it for you and me."

On the six day of Impeachment the democrats gave to me,
Six Ukrainians crying,
Five more reasons to hate Trump,
Four Constitutional "experts",
Three cloistered witnesses,
Two whistle blowers,
and Pelosi saying: "She's been so busy she's forgotten to take a pee."

On the seventh day of Impeachment the democrats gave to me,
Seven hours of boring testimony,
Six Ukrainians crying,
Five more reasons to hate Trump,
Four Constitutional "experts",
Three cloistered witnesses,
Two whistle blowers,
and Pelosi back to saying it's bribery.

On the eighth day of Impeachment the democrats gave to me,
Eight committee members milking it,
Seven hours of boring testimony,
Six Ukrainians crying,
Five more reasons to hate Trump,
Four Constitutional "experts",
Three cloistered witnesses,
Two whistle blowers,
and Pelosi saying: "It's so obvious Trump is guilty, can't you see?"

On the ninth day of Impeachment the democrats gave to me,
Nine dems dancing,
Eight committee members milking it,
Seven hours of boring testimony,
Six Ukrainians crying,
Five more reasons to hate Trump,
Four Constitutional "experts",
Three cloistered witnesses,
Two whistle blowers,
and Pelosi saying: "If you don't believe what you hear, just come ask me."

On the Tenth day of Impeachment the democrats gave to me,
Ten liberals a-leaping,
Nine dems dancing,
Eight committee members milking it,
Seven hours of testimony,
Six Ukrainians crying,
Five more reasons to hate Trump,
Four Constitutional "experts",
Three cloistered witnesses,
Two whistle blowers,
and Pelosi saying: "We are moving as fast as we can, don't blame me."

On the Eleventh day of Impeachment the democrats gave to me,
Eleven news stations piping,
Ten liberals a-leaping,
Nine dems dancing,
Eight committee members milking it,
Seven hours of testimony,
Six Ukrainians crying,
Five more reasons to hate Trump,
Four Constitutional "experts",
Three cloistered witnesses,
Two whistle blowers,
and Pelosi saying: "We'll get that bastard just you wait and see."

On the Twelfth day of Impeachment the democrats gave to me,
At least twelve democrat house seats a losing,
Eleven news stations piping,
Ten liberals a-leaping,
Nine dems dancing,
Eight committee members milking it,
Seven hours of testimony,
Six Ukrainians crying,
Five more reasons to hate Trump,
Four Constitutional "experts",
Three cloistered witnesses,
Two whistle blowers,
and Pelosi saying: "Oh God can this really be?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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