Mr. Barr's "thinnest of suspicions” explained; plus celebration of the underweight

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Wednesday, 11 December 2019

image for Mr. Barr's "thinnest of suspicions” explained; plus celebration of the underweight
"Thinnest of suspicions" now out of the hospital and doing better after the IG's report

This week, Inspector General Horowitz stated that, despite some problems in processing, the 17 intelligence agencies responsible for Russia-gate were impartial, sincere, and unbiased.

MSM pundits are pleased.

However, Attorney General Barr did not fully agree with Mr. Horowitz.

He said the investigation was founded on “the thinnest of suspicions."

This problem of the "thinnest of suspicions" has been dominating perception for a long time, even though it became so emaciated, it was sometimes invisible.

This thinnest and undernourished little suspicion was based on the possibility some of Trump’s people were doing a nasty Putin-Trump deal to get Trump elected in 2016.

In 2017, this “thinnest of suspicions” was on its way to get a snack in the Pentagon basement when former CIA Director Brennan testified to Congress: “I don’t do evidence.”

Apparently, for decent investigation, only the "thinnest of suspicions," is needed to prevail over "evidence."

The Steele Dossier then bent over double with intestinal cramps from bad baloney or whatever it had been consuming, and was shot down as unreliable.

This dossier derived from intelligence people employed by Hillary Clinton to find out why she lost the election.

Was there the slightest irregularity here, in pursuit of a legitimate investigation?

No, no, no, says IG Mr. Horowitz in his report.

Yes, the "thinnest of suspicions" was nearly expiring on its hospital bed, but with the aid of The New York Times and CNN, and people like Rachel Maddow, still alive and kicking.

And certainly there had been nothing peculiar when the FBI's Peter Strzok told Lisa Page there was “no there there” on the collusion business.

Nor when he added that there was however an insurance policy that would prevent Trump from gaining office—or at least staying in the office.

Nor was Mr. Comey’s decision to not examine the servers of the DNC a sign of anything inadequate.

Nor Mr. Comey's accepting the quivering and meager thinnest of little suspicions based entirely on what Crowdstrike said (HRC again), but not on examining the DNC servers.

All this time the “thinnest of suspicions” lay desperate and gasping in his hospital bed.

Meanwhile, JQ Public was anxiously considering all the thinness, meagerness, and strainedness of this "thinnest of suspicions" when lo and behold!

Mr. Mueller announced he agreed with Mr. Strzok!

There was no there there!

Pandemonium broke out and Rachel Maddow shed tears on her evening news program.

JQ Public heaved out an enormous sigh of despair that it looked like the current president would get away with being generally and continually rotten.

Mr. Mueller had decisively said nyet that he and Putin had colluded to steal the election!

Ukraine-gate, anyone?

At last, the "thinnest of suspicions" raised its pale and thinning cheeks from its hospital bed:

“Damn it, people! I need some good beefsteak here, not this rear aperture intravenous feeding!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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