Popeye's Killer Chicken Sandwich

Written by G. Brookings

Tuesday, 5 November 2019

image for Popeye's Killer Chicken Sandwich
Killer Chicken Sandwich

An Oxon Hill, Maryland man was killed yesterday in a dispute over a Popeye’s newly-released chicken sandwich, a deep-fried and batter-coated concoction so addictive to fast-food enthusiasts, that customers are literally willing to kill for it.

According to police reports, the man, who was stabbed to death, had attempted to slice into the long line at the fast food counter and was quickly dispatched by means of a plastic knife left carelessly on a vacant table. Onlookers were reported to have cheered the aftermath of the deadly assault. One observer who witnessed the attack offered his theory that the scarce sandwich "was a working class version of the mad scramble to buy shares of a Wall Street IPO. While the rich trample each other for shares," he said, "the working classes do it for Walmart bargains and chicken."

To its credit, Popeye’s quickly issued a press release regretting the event. But to some it was a pro-forma apology, given the almost simultaneous appearance of a new advertising campaign that sought to capitalize on the publicity. Several versions of the new ad have been reported, featuring such slogans as, “It’s really that good!” against the background of a bloody brawl. A “Killer Chicken” themed version had also been reported, featuring a pair of MMA-style fighters in chicken costumes bashing each other to get at a steaming, thickly-breaded fillet in the center of the ring.

Not to be outdone, Popeye’s competitor, Chick-fil-A, released a competing marketing blitz intended to take the wind out of Popeye’s sails. The ‘Dying for some Chicken?’ ad features images of bloodied customers running in terror from what appears to be a Popeye’s franchise, followed by a quick cut to a serene Sunday-school-like interior of a Chick-fil-A. Commenting on the competing marketing campaigns, a serene Chick-fil-A spokeswoman admitted that “while our chicken sandwich may not be to die for, that's a good thing."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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