Washington - President Trump spoke to reporters this morning alongside an altered map of the path of Tropical Storm Humberto, showing that the storm, not yet a hurricane, will cross the Gulf of Mexico, gain hurricane strength, and head straight across Mexico for California.
"Californians have been very mean to me, very unfair," said Trump.
In a separate development, Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross is said to have ordered "all NOAA scientists to use any means possible, including nuclear weapons, to redirect Humberto into California".
Ross threatened to fire any scientist who refused to follow his orders from the President. However, according to sources, the NOAA no longer has any actual weather scientists on staff, because all of them were previously terminated for affirming that man-made global warming exists.
There were no reports of preparations for the hurricane in California as of this afternoon.