Technical Writer Devastates Loyal Fans And Readers By Handing In Two Week Notice

Written by Wesley Janson

Friday, 13 September 2019

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Minneapolis, Minnesota. Many wise and mature individuals will humbly acknowledge that the best stories unfortunately need endings, and that even the world's greatest authors eventually write their final words. Nothing, however, could have prepared avid readers and literature enthusiasts across the United States for the shocking news that Jared Wall, 37, will no longer be creating material as a technical documentation writer.

Mr. Wall made the devastating announcement last Tuesday, outside of his cubicle at Zycrest Communications after handing Tech Manager Michael Cockstrap his two-week notice.

Jared's amazing and unparalleled career spanned 12 years during which he worked for several Midwestern companies producing everything from software installation instructions to manufacturing efficiency booklets.

Although his 'powerhouse' writing abilities were at their peak in 2013 while he was designing computer product manuals, marketing strategy reports, and licensing agreements, loyal fans and readers will always remember the early 'golden' days when he authored outstanding employee handbook rules, user guides for industrial equipment, and personnel policy & procedure sheets.

"It's hard to see the genius who has constructed so many awe-inspiring occupational safety pamphlets suddenly leave the field to pursue other interests," former co-worker Jonathan Peckerstain confessed.

"The next time I read a corporate disclaimer statement, I'm truly going to feel empty inside," he added.

Senior Technical Writer and Analyst, Dick Holder, stated that Jared's long-time followers were hit the hardest by the unfortunate news because many of them were still yearning to read another one of his consumer product case studies.

"I highly doubt there is another 'Jared Wall' out there," he told reporters. "The man was an extremely talented and prolific writer who had absolutely nothing to say about life in general, and that's what made him so damn good."

"It's going to be a big, long, and hard process trying to replace him," Dick added.

As fans both young and old weep silently over the harsh reality that Mr. Wall will no longer be delivering the literature that has captivated their hearts, top administrative managers remain extremely pissed off that he purposely delayed working on several important projects and had two weeks of vacation time approved right before giving his notice.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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