Passive-Aggressive Priest Turns to Zionism

Written by Chrissy Benson

Friday, 6 September 2019

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Setting a boundary with Jesus, former priest Kenneth O'Hara has abandoned his cleric's garb in favor of pro-Israel attire.

In a passive-aggressive move against Jesus, whom he'd codependently expected to somehow "save" him, the Reverend Father Kenneth O'Hara turned to Judaism and became a Zionist.

O'Hara explained the thought process behind hs bold move against Jesus Christ. "Some people have accused me of acting out of resentment, but I was simply setting a boundary. I don't feel that he's fulfilled the promises he made to me and a lot of other people, and I'm taking a step back from the relationship."

He smiled grimly. "Or to put it more bluntly, he wasn't there for me, and I'm not going to be there for him. I'm not his whipping boy."

O'Hara said that some of the ways in which Jesus repeatedly let him down in the past include not helping the Church see that priests should be permitted to marry, not answering or even acknowledging a whole host of other prayers, and just generally not sharing anything personal with him."

"For all I know, some of my forgivenesses might not even have gone through," added the clearly frustrated O'Hara, who fears that his many hours spent in confesssionals might all have been for naught. "That could really screw me over in the hereafter."

But why Zionism?

"I wanted to send a clear message that it's not just me who feels this way, but millions of us who believe that Jesus failed to come through on the prophesies - or anything else, for that matter," said O'Hara. "And it's just not good enough anymore. We demand better."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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