Abderdeenshire, Scotland - “She could go up in a puff of smoke,” a Royal Deeside fire chief said today amid news that Queen Elizardbirth has been told to pack in her nocturnal fags while vacationing at Balmoral Castle.
The ageing Victorian Scottish folly has been branded a lethal fire risk ‘just like Notre Damn’, the ancient Parisian hunchback which burned down in April because of a discarded cigarette.
Although not as old and decrepit as her French counterpart the Aberdeenshire erection is nevertheless considered a total tinderbox of a fire hazard, stuffed with inflammatory material like Prince Philip.
The daft old nonagenarian boozer is deemed notorious for catching fire after falling asleep near the castle’s furnace which serves as a bedroom during his twilight years.
This weekend local fire chiefs met with Balmoral flunkeys to put in place a new fire drill at the royal residence.
This will entail compulsory strip searches of residents and servants - including the Queen’s flea-bitten corgis - to weed out any hidden stashes of tobacco and lighters.
Exclusive Spoof website footage of the pat-downs will be available from the Castle e-shop, priced at ten quid for a five-second hit.