Woman's Office Attire Reaches New Level of Bland

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Wednesday, 17 July 2019

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Kate Lipscomb's signature color scheme is all beige, all the time. 

Kate Lipscomb of Nashville, Tennessee, takes great care to present an inoffensive, uncontroversial appearance at the healthcare company where she works - and she succeeded beyond her wildest dreams last Tuesday, when coworkers reported that her attire had reached a new level of bland.

"If you notice it, it's too much, is my policy," said Lipscomb of her fashion choices.

And notice her they did not, was the clear consensus of Lipscomb's colleagues.

"She was almost invisible at our morning meeting," said coworker Krista Martin, who, while color-averse herself, prefers to wear a great deal of black. "I think she said something at one point, but looking over at her pretty much made me fall asleep. Her outfit was literally like a sedative to my eyes."

Martin added, "I told her she should write a book called Fifty Shades of Beige."

Lipscomb's supervisor, Thomas Short, agreed with Martin's overall assessment. "Kate is very much a team player," he said. "She blends in extremely well with everything. Even wallpaper."

Lipscomb herself shrugged off the compliments. "Professional neutrality is important to me," she said. "I think we should all be able to expect a basic level of individuality suppression in the workplace. I do my best to provide that to the people I work with. It's the least I can do."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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