Man's Daughter Fired Plastic Gun Relentlessly

Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 25 April 2019

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There's nothing more annoying than kids, especially when they're being annoying, and so it was for one man this morning, as his daughter relentlessly wore down his patience by firing a noisy child's plastic gun at him whilst he was having his breakfast.

Moys Kenwood, 55, slurped on his Corn Flakes as his 4-year-old daughter, aimed the plastic Tommy gun in his direction, and let fly with a volley of imaginary bullets that, had they been real, would have polished off most of Tapon commune.

The weapon was made from black plastic, and had orange and red flashing lights which, when seen in the dark, reminds one of the flash of gunfire one is able to see coming from a gun's muzzle. It was also equipped with a red laser 'seekerlight' which fixes upon the target for accuracy before you fire.

As Kenwood sat at the table, he noticed a small red dot on his chest, but before he could take evasive action, shots were being fired, accompanied by the happy, excited giggle of the fearsome assassin, aged 4. The sound of the gunfire was so realistic, that two people outside, who were passing the house, instinctively threw themselves to the ground for cover.

Back inside the house, Kenwood drained the last of the milk from his Corn Flakes by raising the bowl to his lips, and drinking as if from a cup, in the style of a heathen. The gunfire persisted.

By the time he had finished his toast, and was sipping his tea, his daughter's onslaught was beginning to find its target. Her remorseless and sustained attack was showing no signs of a let-up, and the combination of light and sound was bordering on 'tortuous'. Kenwood, expressionless, turned to his daughter and said:

"That's enough, sweetheart. Daddy's got a headache."

The firing stopped. Then started again accompanied by a chuckle.

She had adjusted her grip.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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