Abraham Lincoln Places Sanctions on Jefferson Davis, Confederacy

Funny story written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Tuesday, 25 June 2019

The White House, Washington D. C. April 1, 1861. Speaking in the Rose Garden, President Abraham Lincoln went before reporters this morning to announce even more "hard hitting" sanctions against Jefferson Davis and his embryonic "Confederacy" in response to their "increasingly provocative actions," most recently the blocking of mail deliveries.

This time, President Lincoln imposed burdensome restrictions on Davis, the Ayatollah of the Confederacy.

"The United States has shown great restraint, but Mr. Davis and his so-called Confederacy must not interpret that as a lack of resolve," Lincoln said.

"We could obliterate the Confederacy, but we prefer economic sanctions that will force Davis to the conference table."

The new sanctions announced by the president freeze all of Davis' bank accounts in Northern states, prohibit any Northern bank from extending credit to Davis, and prohibit any American business with any foreign financial institution that does business with Davis or his Confederacy's bogus government. Davis' U. S. passport was also cancelled.

"I am convinced that these sanctions will prevent any escalation of the tenuous relationship between North and South," the president said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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