Buddhist Chanting Got On Man's Wick

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 20 May 2019

image for Buddhist Chanting Got On Man's Wick
What will it take to get you to stop?

Prolonged Buddhist chanting over a 3-day period because of a funeral, got on the nerves of one man so much, he considered going to the nearby temple and burning it down.

The man, whose identity must be guarded to avoid any repercussions, awoke on Friday morning somewhat earlier than was either normal or necessary, at around 4;30am, to the sound of "an old man droning on in monotone". He knew, from previous experience, that someone in the locality had died, and that this was the start of three long days of a total and utter attack on the senses.

Having tried - in vain - to return to the Land of Nod, the man got out of bed, just as the 'Chanting in Earnest' began, a somber activity which starts off annoyingly irritating, and gets irritatingly more annoying as time goes on.

Gradually, steadily, and excrutiatingly, the chanting went on through the morning, into the afternoon, and, unrelentingly, into the evening, spoiling the lovely tea the man's wife had slaved-over for the best part of an hour.

On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and ON it went, in exactly the same tone as it had begun, several centuries ago.

Amazingly, however, the incessant din didn't seem to be having quite the same effect on other people as it was having on him. He looked around him - nobody was paying the slightest attention to the morbid drone. It was as if he were the only person who could hear it!

Finally, at 11pm, it ceased.

And then started again at 4:30am the next morning, Saturday.

The same scenario unfolded, and Saturday somehow became Sunday.

The man threatened to "burn the temple to the ground", but was placated by his wife. She told him:

"It's just the Buddhists doing their funny chants."

He told her:

"If there are any more funerals, I'll kill some bastard!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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