Broccoli and Cauliflower Withdrawal Results In Horribly Tragic and Untimely Death

Written by Wesley Janson

Sunday, 2 June 2019

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Be careful with your decisions in life. We sometimes love the things that hurt us the most!

Grand Rapids, Michigan. 56-year-old Greg Meyer passed away last Monday as a result of his decision to immediately cease his massive consumption of broccoli and cauliflower.

After 30 years of addiction to the vitamin C, dietary fiber, and antioxidants contained in the vegetables, the forklift driver at International Composite Decking Boards, Inc. suffered major withdrawal symptoms for several days before leaving his wife and two adult children behind.

Jane Meyer, 55, explained that Greg tried to quit "cold turkey" after she begged him to stop draining 'bag after bag' of the edible plants on nights and weekends.

"He would take a few handfuls of broccoli in the morning, consistently absorb cauliflower throughout his work routine, come home, and basically 'not stop,'" she told reporters.

"My late husband got so 'out-of-control' one night that he almost moved on to spinach, and it took every ounce of my inner-strength to convince him to go to sleep," she added.

Feeling somewhat guilty about the community intervention she had staged several weeks ago, Mrs. Meyer confessed that she was horrified (and saddened) to learn that the anxiety, panic attacks, and seizures that Greg went through eventually caused liquid feces to spray out of his anus right before his face exploded in the employee restroom during his 9:00 am break.

With her younger son, Taylor, 21, in jail for disorderly conduct, Jane embarrassingly admitted that her family is dysfunctional, before informing officials that she plans to stage an intervention for her older son, Craig, 27, who thoroughly enjoys consuming hard liquor while ass-raiding (and titty-fucking) gigantic-breasted, cheap prostitutes in Thailand.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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