Georgia introduces anti-wanking law

Tuesday, 14 May 2019

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Sperms have souls, according to Georgia

Conservative politicians in Georgia in the United States are pushing their religious agenda into law, like a priest stuffing a turkey with literally the word of God. The latest regulations from Atlanta say that men must declare every time they produce semen to show that they have not wasted any.

"Life should not be tossed away," said Governor Geoff Mopp. "As it says in the Bible - our new modified Bible, that is - life begins at ejaculation."

Earlier this year the state introduced similar rules on menstruation to ensure that no eggs are needlessly wasted. Now they can claim to be the first legislature in the world to enforce equality in gamete control.

Men are encouraged to keep all their sperm in a jar and to record the weight and consistency of each load. Designated semen inspectors will randomly visit men throughout the state and check that they are following the rules. Any failure to comply will lead to a six month jail sentence.

Civil rights campaigners have called the law insane and authoritarian. However, religious conservatives are said to be cock-a-hoop about the rules. "It's what God would have wanted," said priest Cormac McCummy. "And I am making a fortune selling penis clamps."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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