WEST CHESTER,PA—Good things come to those who wait and to those who can wait to come. Bad things, unfortunately, are the fate of the one in five men between the ages of eighteen and fifty-nine who suffer from the social scourge of premature ejaculati...
In the dried-up crusty lining of an old New York theatre seat, scientists have discovered a mosquito perfectly preserved in a globule of petrified spunk. Incredibly, the mosquito had bitten a pervert in the cinema, and scientists were able to extract...
Conservative politicians in Georgia in the United States are pushing their religious agenda into law, like a priest stuffing a turkey with literally the word of God. The latest regulations from Atlanta say that men must declare every time they produc...
HOLLYWEIRD, CALIFORNICATE — Although “Solo Sex: A Star Whores Story” is, by some accounts, “the worst movie ever made,” the news media feel obliged to cover the gooey mess, since Diznee Studios spends a lot of money advertising such fare in newspape...
Police in China have seized three gallons of sperm in an operation to stop a gang of smugglers. It is the largest ever haul of the expensive fluid, and will surely not be the last in a bizarre underworld industry which is currently booming. Sperm...
Baltimore, MD - He was so different. He was black but Canadian. He was black and specialized in Hockey commentary and play by play, sometimes assuming a fake French accent when he did the latter at a velocity quicker than even the most amped up Per...
Washington AC/DC - All hell broke loose in the White House this morning after someone ejaculated over Barack Obama's cupcake turning the candy sprinkles green. Secret service detectives immediately quarantined the foaming confection in case Pluto...
Of all the freaky things to happen, a fertility clinic which sells sperm to allow females to get pregnant by someone she admires or would like a son or daughter to have a great singing voice, all types, purchase sperm at a high price. So when they...
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - In a recent study conducted at the University of San Francisco, researchers have determined that the consumption of human semen fights off diseases ranging from the common cold to cancer. Ralph Patterson, a freshman at USF...
Wyatt Earp was a sometimes-lawman, sometimes-outlaw who sometimes owned a saloon and occasionally dealt cards or shot buffalo, depending on the economy and job market of the Territory (Indiana, Kansas, Nevada, Alaska, California) in which the itinerant jack of all trades happened to hang his hat on any given day. He went by a number of aliases, including Randolph Scott, Errol Flynn, Jimmy Stewa...
Dr. Doom--his very name spells disaster. Not surprisingly, this gray-armored, green-robed, hoodie-clad supervillain remains one of Marvel Comics' most popular bad guys ever--so popular, in fact, that he is often soon retired after appearing, for an issue of two, usually in The Fantastic Four, the comic book that showcased his origin, for fear that he will eclipse the superheroes he fights. Not the...
Authorities in Maryland say a woman accused of squirting semen onto two male shoppers has been linked to three more cases. The lady who was arrested and charged with spraying the fluid on a shopper at a Giant Food store said that she has volunteer...
PAPUA, New Guinea -- A totally spent man who survived a 40-day ordeal arrived safely in Honiara yesterday, said authorities. Peter Chisolm, a retired naval officer from East New Britain, was lost for nearly six weeks before being found by villager...
Scientists in the US have succeeded in developing the first synthetic living cell. The researchers copied an existing bacterial genome. They sequenced its genetic code and then used "synthesis machines" to chemically construct a copy. Affectionat...
SAN DIEGO, California - Researchers have long known that sex can be fun, that people who have sex often tend to live longer, healthier lives, and that sexually active men have healthier sperm. What researchers did not know is that the collection o...
Potential jizz bomber Fred 'the Ted' Holden was arrested this morning on Cambridge Heath Road in London, by Bethnal Green tube station. Holden was suspected of undermining National Breast Appreciation Day by planting jizz bombs wherever bare breas...
Tasty Treats Inc. held a Press release stating that they will be intrducing a new candy called "Semen Squares" Made from the semen of healthy and fit 18-23 year old boys mixed with sugar and marshmellow. In the brief press statement Tasty Treats I...
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