Fish claim compensation

Funny story written by T. Loaf

Monday, 18 March 2019

A school of mackerel, represented by their attorney, Donald Bass, has filed a claim for compensation from federal authorities on account of unfair exploitation within the English language.

"It's a delicate issue," explained Bass. "My clients are becoming increasingly concerned about the dubious use of fish in many proverbs of our tongue. Something's fishy, it's neither fish nor fowl. My clients have never been asked whether such usage is on order, even though they and others of their ilk freely sponsor such phrases."

Indeed the mackerel were supported in this action by joint plaintiffs, a moonfish and a Beluga sturgeon. "It's the scale of use, if you'll pardon the expression, that annoys the fish, and the utter inanity of the idioms. Of course there are plenty more fish in the sea! But to drink like a fish and to say something's a different kettle of fish. That's taking things a bit too far, claim the mackerel."

Judge Salmon asked how Mr. Bass could tell the mackerel were annoyed. Maybe their movement was one of collective joy, he suggested.

"Please, your honor, don't be ridiculous. This is a serious issue. I can sense the agony amongst the fish. I would accept 5 million dollars on their behalf and park the money in a Swiss bank account until the next spawning season is over. Promised!" stated the attorney.

The claim was dismissed and Mr. Bass talen back to Oyster Creek Maritime Psychiatric Hospital. For the attorney, it was merely water off a duck's back. Two months earlier he had failed in a similar case when representing a swarm of eels and a blackstripe herring. He swore, however, that the battle goes on. "What I really need to do is get them into court somehow - like fish out of water....."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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