New York - After Russian authorities were suspected of poisoning former Russian counterspies in Britain, and the mysterious deaths of a few anti-Putin Russian journalists, a new revelation has shaken the relations between the superpower and the United States.
An exclusive story in the Wall Street Journal has revealed the Russian spies in the United States kidnapped several male American scientists involved in top secret weapons programs in the Washington D.C. area, and psychologically tortured them until they were forced to reveal secret details about the programs with which they were involved.
Shockingly, the Russians targeted some of the geekier researchers and forced them to repeatedly watch movies and TV shows directed and produced by Hollywood director Judd Apatow. These included Knocked Up, Superbad, Get Him to the Greek, 40 Year-Old Virgin, Love and Freaks and Geeks.
In the movies, dorky average looking male characters find themselves surrounded and approached by beautiful women (most of whom they are able to take to bed), get to hang out with cool rock stars, smoke large quantities of dope, play video games non-stop instead of holding down jobs, and pursue really cool and dangerous activities, with almost no repercussions. After repeated viewings the scientists simply crack and tell the spies whatever they want to know, as they realize that they cannot possibly live up to the portrayals in the films.
Said one tech dweeb (on the condition of anonymity), "The fourth time I saw the episode of Love where the nerdy guy gets to have a threesome with two hotties, and then passes on it, I just couldn't take it anymore".