Undertaker Under Investigation For Stealing Coffins Back From The Dead

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 16 November 2018

image for Undertaker Under Investigation For Stealing Coffins Back From The Dead
A coffin earlier

A funeral service is under police investigation tonight after it was alleged that members of its staff had returned to graves after burials to repossess the caskets of corpses recently interred.

Barry Berry of Bury Burials was taken to a local police station for interrogation after a man who had gone to visit a grave to place flowers on it found the earth 'disturbed'.

Ronald Walker turned up at the grave of his recently-buried wife on Thursday, but was immediately struck by the disarray, and the loose earth around the plot, which suggested someone had been tampering with it.

Cemetery officials were notified, the police called, and the grave was opened. What they found inside was described by those present as "horrific". One of the cemetery staff said:

"It was horrific. I'd never seen anything like it in my life. It was a dead body."

Police have confirmed that they found a body in the grave but no coffin, suggesting, even to the dimmest dimwit, that the coffin had been removed from the scene. Greater Manchester Police Detective Chief Inspector, Alan Copper, said:

"The earth had been disturbed, and there was a trail which we were able to follow all the way back to the nearby premises of Bury Burials. That's where we found the late Mrs Walker's coffin. It appears there may have been several other 'repossessions' recently."

The high cost of funerals, including coffins, which can cost as much as £5,000, has been the subject of much debate recently, with many customers feeling that they are being taken advantage of, at a time when they are under great stress. To make matters worse, it seems, the coffins they are paying extortionate amounts for, are now being stolen from them, and re-used to bury other people! Mr. Berry is expected to be charged over the weekend.

Mr Walker said:

"It's a gross breach of trust. My wife's fine, but I want me money back!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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