Pennsylvania. 48-year-old Ryan Krepp, lead Paranormal Investigator of the popular television series, Spirit Searching, broke down last Tuesday and confessed that his 4.5-inch penis was failing to please his sexually-inclined, manic-depressive, hypocritical, money-driven, angry, narcissistic, delusional wife.
Power-hungry, charismatic, attention-seeking, violent 51-year-old Brianna Krepp grabbed lead reporter, Michael Burnstein, right by his throat and screamed that she would stop at nothing in order to get her own way even if that included killing men. She then asked him if her 'boob-job' looked nice.
Terrified and shaken, Mr. Burnstein continued to ask Mr. Krepp how the ghost hunting was going.
"We've run into some pretty scary things over the past month-and-a-half. Two nights ago, we explored an abandoned mental hospital from the 1800s. Our team picked up some major readings, and we even saw a large brooding figure that looked like 'Darth Vader' at the end of the hallway," Mr. Krepp said nervously, while his wife glared at him. "It's pretty cool," he stated while trembling.
When asked how to actually conduct a paranormal investigation while being completely and embarrassingly full of shit, Mr. Krepp stated that the audience is usually thrilled if you say "Oh My God!" and "What Was That?" at least 40 to 60 times in one 30-minute episode.
"Last night, I got our team together before the cameras turned on, and I got them to say it 57 times," he happily announced.
"Another key component to Ghost Hunting is that we all touch each other a lot before we go in, and we continue to touch each other throughout the process," he added.
After listening to both men talk, Mrs. Krepp realized that Michael Burnstein was just as pathetic as her husband. She then entered a state of hysterical rage before grabbing a steak knife out of the drawer and stabbing both men to death.
Mrs. Krepp is currently on a dating profile under a different name. She is "single" and looking for a man just like you!