Written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Friday, 21 December 2018

Citing irreconcilable policy differences on how the White House roses should be pruned, retired marine corps career non-com Sgt. Kelly Flynn submitted his written resignation at a meeting with President Donald Trump this morning.

"The president is entitled to have advisers who are in sync with his views on the rose garden, and in recent weeks it has become apparent that I cannot fulfill that role," Sgt. Flynn wrote in his letter of resignation.

CNN's Woof Blister reported tonight that the first sign of friction came a year ago when Flynn cut the St. Patrick's while the plants were still blooming. Trump called Flynn in for a private going over, insisting that no rose be pruned as long as it had flowers, or even buds.

When Trump went for a rose garden walk earlier this week, he discovered that the roses he had seen a few days before had been drastically pruned. Trump even scrounged through the trash, pulled several wilted roses still on limbs, and sent them via messenger to Flynn. Today's resignation followed.

While Flynn thanked his staff and the Dept. of the Interior, which oversees the White house gardens, MSNBC'S "Thirteenth Hour" commentator Brian McWilliams noted that Flynn pointedly omitted any thanks for having served the president.

No replacement has yet been named. In the meantime, National Guard troopers have been recalled from the border and are caring for the roses.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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