Written by Wesley Janson

Sunday, 11 November 2018

image for Local Man Subtly Gets The Impression That His Date Has "Been Around"

Wisconsin. Timothy Harbor, 38, felt lonely a few weekends ago and decided to join a dating site. Although he has a comfortable job, a nice home, and basically nothing to worry about in life, Timothy felt that something was missing.

"I got my college degree in Mechanical Engineering back in 2005, and I was immediately hired by a great company that I still work for. I get along with everybody there, I have a wonderful house, an excellent salary, and basically nothing to worry about," he told reporters. "But, I've never actually met a female companion to share my life with. For some reason, I've just never met that special someone," he added.

Timothy finally decided that it was time to take a brave step forward in order to meet 'that special someone.' A few hours after joining LonelyPeople.com, Timothy met Jill Bradford, a 39-year-old electrical engineer who felt exactly the same way.

Because they were only 15 miles apart, Timothy and Jill decided to meet each other at a fancy bar and restaurant nearby called The Lonely Horse Shoe.

As evening slowly descended upon the blessed couple during their wonderful conversation over food and drink, Timothy suddenly got the slight impression that something was wrong.

"It started when a random guy walked past our table and said, 'Oh, Hi Jill.'" Timothy told reporters. "That didn't really bother me. But, immediately after that, three other men walked past our table and said the exact same thing. A fourth man also walked by and asked her why she had never called him back."

Ignoring his subtle suspicions, Timothy proceeded on with the evening and tried to enjoy himself as much as he could.

Love was 'truly' in the air as Timothy and Jill continued their conversation. Upon completing a wonderful meal of steak and lobster, they both finished their wine and decided to wander into the bar area where numerous other men, both married and unmarried, continued to say 'Hello' to Jill.

"At that point, I was pretty sure it was just because she is a very social person who is 'well-connected' with the community," Timothy stated. "I tried to ignore the fact that all the other women in the bar were looking at her angrily. It also didn't bother me when one of my co-workers showed up and slapped her on the ass before posing the question, "Hey Babe, What's Up?"

When Jill began to have a deep conversation with the guy putting coins in the jukebox, Timothy distracted himself by talking to the bartender.

As the guy putting coins in the jukebox whispered 'sweet nothings' into Jill's ear while she laughed happily and nibbled sweetly on his ear, Timothy bought himself another drink and tried to pretend that everything was OK.

After Jill took the man outside, pulled his pants down, spit on his cock to get it hard, and vigorously fucked him "reverse cowgirl style" on a dirty picnic bench while screaming delightfully as waves of agonizing pleasure coursed through her body like an endless ocean causing her to explode with numerous orgasms, Timothy finally reached the conclusion that his date had 'been around' a few times.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
49 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more