Written by Dave Henry

Saturday, 3 November 2018

image for Man Confounded by Fleetwood Mac Song, Good Old Days
I miss the good old days.

Fleetwood Mac's greatest hit, 'Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow', is the source of mental anguish and frustration for one local man.

The lyrics say, "don't stop thinking about tomorrow," but then, in the same breath, add, "it'll soon be here, it'll be better than before."

But then when it's here, we can't think about it, because we have to think about tomorrow again. And so on, and so on, and so on.

"By that logic, we can never think about today, it's always tomorrow, but then, when tomorrow comes, we have to think about the next day," said the man.

This has kept him up at nights, and caused him to take copious amounts of opioids, which he would have taken anyways, but this has given him an excuse.

He's also puzzled when people say "the good old days." These right now are the good old days. In 20 years, people will say, I wish we could go back to the good old days of 2018 when America was hanging on to Democracy by the skin of its teeth.

But now, people long for the good old days in the 1970s, when you could throw garbage out the window of a moving car. But then, people decried Watergate and disco music, and longed for the good old days when there were fireside chats, and the greatest generation. But back then, in the 1940s, there was racism and sexism and genocide and Bing Crosby, so many people longed for the good old days of the Roaring 20s, when people danced to music that was very hard to dance to. But then, there were people back then who hated Steamboat Willie, and longed for the days when our president was fat ...

"You see, this could go on and on, back until dinosaurs roamed the Earth, and the Trilobytes longed for the days when they were the only ones crawling about the sludge," said the man. "I need a refill."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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