Written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Friday, 19 October 2018

As a horde of Honduran children moves north into Mexico and toward freedom and security in the United States, President Donald Trump issued an ultimatum to his country's southern neighbors. If the migrating children aren't stopped by their own government or by Mexico, "I will call up the U.S. military" to close and protect our border from the assault.

Reporters at the Pentagon immediately besieged Secretary of Defense James Mattis, "Will our troops shoot little kids if they attempt to cross the border?" Mattis' reply was mostly an obfuscation but ended with an explanation that our soldiers are armed, we won't take away their bullets, and people do die in a war.

When informed of Matttis' response, Trump answered that the former Marine general runs the military. Furthermore, Trump said he expected that criminal elements among the marchers would put the little kids in front when the border is reached, using them as human shields.

Senator Lindsey Graham, in response to the president's plan and Mattis' reply, said he would make no comment that might threaten the lives of American soldiers. Sen. McConnell backed the president's decision to use force. "We've got to control our borders. We can't allow one or two thousand illegal alien children to swarm into the country, overwhelming public services. It's an invasion, and when invaded you use whatever force is required. They may be toddlers today, but in ten years they'll be members of MS-13."

Morticians along the Texas border have ordered more children's coffins than the local supplier has on hand.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
73 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more