In a press conference this morning, President Donald Trump, in a stunning comment, stated, regarding Hurricane Florence: "If I'd been there, I would have parted the seas like Charlton Heston did!"
A NYT reporter interrupted and shouted: "In all due respect Mr. President, it was Moses that parted the seas. Charlton Heston just played Moses in the movie!"
Trump shouted back angrily: "Shut up, scrotum! Fake news! Moses was a kids' poem that said he had toeses that smelled like roses, everyone knows that! He continued: "Furthermore, when I get to Carolina in the morning I will turn the loaves into cheeseburgers and a coke, and raise the dead. There will be NO fatalities like there was none in Puerto Rico, the best recovery effort in the history of mankind!
Another journalist, encouraged by the courageous NYT reporter, interrupted: "How will you get there, Mr. President," and added sarcastically, "walk on water?"
Trump smirked, "Need you ask? And to the good people of North Carolina, I say, I'll be there soon. I'll bring a truckload of paper towels and a bucket of fried chicken! In the meantime...HAVE FUN!"