Dr. Hugh Capston, a 74-year-old History Professor at Peckerville University, became incredibly upset last Tuesday when he turned on the History Channel and found out that Aliens have been involved with (and responsible for) nearly every single major technological and social advancement made during Ancient times.
Capston, who has taught World History as well as several advanced Ancient Studies courses, said that he watched the History Channel and realized that everything he had been researching, publishing, and teaching his students for nearly 40 years was completely wrong.
"My professional career has been based on the use of 'reasoning' and 'solid evidence' to support my research, and I've been teaching my students to study Ancient History with a rational perspective that encompasses both logic and careful analysis of authentic sources of information," Professor Capston told reporters.
"But after watching the History Channel and learning that Aliens have influenced everything, I can only bitterly accept the fact that I've been wrong about my subject material the whole time and that my entire career is a lie!" he stated.
The 74-year-old Professor of History received a very harsh reality check when he spent a day watching the History Channel only to find out that Aliens destroyed the dinosaurs so humans could live on Earth, gave ancient people their technology to help them build magnificent structures, used certain areas as landing fields for their space ships, and even influenced timeless works of art and literature by secretly communicating with the individuals who created them.
"GOD-DAMNIT!" he bellowed fiercely. "All of my professional work over the years now means absolutely nothing!"
"FUCK!" he further screamed at the top of his lungs.
After kicking over the desk in his office and throwing several books around in a fit of rage, he then stormed off campus so that he could properly vent his frustration by going to a strip club, drinking several shots of Tequila, and starting a fist fight with one of the locals.
He stumbled into class the next morning with two black eyes, a few missing teeth, and a massive hangover. Instead of giving a lecture about Ancient South American Artifacts, he borrowed a student's Smartphone so that he could look for another job.