Written by mikewadestr

Monday, 5 March 2018

image for Nation Relieved That School Shooting Didn’t Involve A Semi-Automatic Rifle
I can reload this a lot.

The American public generated a sigh of relief when a shooter shot and killed 21 students at Jamboree High School, in Oakland, Maryland when it was determined that the shooter did not use a semi-automatic rifle. 32 people were, also, injured in the shooting that was done with a Beretta Couger 8040 hand gun which has a 15 bullet magazine which the shooter swapped out from a back pack several times as he ran out of bullets.

Everyone was, also relieved that the 22 year old shooter was of age to own a handgun legally and was not a Muslim screaming “Allah is God” during the ordeal. The shooter didn’t wear a turban nor did he have a female accomplice dressed in a hajib.

“This is really good news” stated Oakland mayor Donny Bedfellow. “It is good to see that semi-automatic rifles aren’t the only way to shoot up a school. The fact that the shooter Larry Farts is not a Muslim makes it even more cherishing. I wish all school shooters could be like Larry”.

It was learned that Larry Farts was suffering from a mental disorder which caused him to hate anyone under the age of 19. It is classified as the “low number syndrome” where a person fears any number that comes before 19.

The NRA chipped in stating that hand guns are the ‘good peoples’ gun’.

“It takes a real hero to utilize a semi-automatic to their advantage” Spokesman Harold Shoots stated. “Hand guns are fine but we all prefer semi-automatics so we are a bit concerned about Mr. Farts not using a semi-automatic, because gun sales go up whenever someone uses a semi-automatic in a school shooting. We hope Mr. Farts learns from this in the future”.

There were detractors however. House minority speaker Nancy Pelosi stated: “Guns are bad and guns need to be banned, unless of course I’m being mugged which in that case guns are good. We need to stop guns from getting into the hands of law abiding citizens. Guns getting in the hands of the mentally disturbed are OK because Democrats get to make an issue about anyone owning guns”.

President Trump chimed in stating: “Guns are good. I know this because on several occasions I used a gun to stop gang violence. As a matter of fact I once used an AK-47 to stop a lion from attacking a zebra. So believe me guns of all types are good. When I shave I have my gun in arms reach in case some crazy criminal is hiding in my shaving cream. So let us let guns reign”.

As of press time Nancy Pelosi was caught trying to swap out the Berretta Cougar 840 with an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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