Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 1 March 2018

image for US Teacher Held After Weapon Discharged In Classroom
Not an Apple Pie, but you get the idea

A schoolteacher was under arrest this morning after a weapon was discharged in a classroom where he was teaching students, it has been reported.

Ronald Lumpkin, 45, a cookery teacher at Dingbat High School outside of Atlanta, Georgia, was taken to a local police station by 'a baker's dozen' of officers for questioning.

Two students present in the classroom at the time were buxom Beatrice Potshot, 16, and Stella Bearhug, also 16. Potshot told reporters:

"He's my favourite teacher. Cool guy. I love his beard. Sexy, y'know?"

Bearhug, still shaking with what looked like fear, said:

"We were making apple pie. Ron was just taking a pie he'd made earlier out of the oven, when he saw the crust was burned. He went apeshit!. Walked right over to his desk, pulled out a handgun, and put four rounds into the pie. Ain't NOBODY gonna eat that mothafucka now!"

At the sound of the shots, school administrators called the police, and squad cars started arriving within hours. Other emergency services were on the scene within 45 minutes to ferry nobody to hospital. Edna Doowicky, the school janitor, arrived within 2 minutes to clean up the remains of the apple pie.

School headmaster Alphonse Butthurt is due to make a statement at hometime.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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