Finally the Axis of Evil kooky conspiracy fabricator, Looney Nuney has decided to go all out in his religious fervor to protect Dotard Buffoon Clown from his evil past.
His informants have found in a highly secretive little known publication called the DaVinci Code, that reveals all. He claims that Satan has been pursuing Dotard Buffoon Clown through many lives as Dotard is the true bloodline of Christ.
Looney Nuney is now off on a world tour to such sites as the Bois de Boulogne, Paris, France; Chateau Villette, France; Saint-Sulpice Church, Paris, France; Specola Vaticana, Caste Gandolfo, Italy; Temple Church, London, England; Westminster Abbey, London, England; Rosslyn Chapel, Roslin, Scotland and King's College, London, England. This is of course at the taxpayers expense and Looney Nuney promises he will return with all the Deep State dirt on anti Dotard Buffoon Clown conspiracy that has been going on now for many centuries. He has also called on Tom Hanks to assist in mystery symbol interpretation but it seems Tom is a little less than enthusiastic. However the remaining Knights Templar are very interested and may join him on the tour.
He has said that he has also discovered previously undiscovered material about Kennedy assassination; Roswell aliens; Obamas Birth Certificate; 911 false flag; Disappearance of Amelia Earhart; The truth about the Lizard People living under Earth; Nixons missing 18 minutes of tape; Evidence the Moon Landing was faked; and finally a good dose of holocaust denial.
After he dumped this load of infantile hysteria upon the media, he was heard chortling to his minions, "let them get mired in that load of confused junk, that will stop Mueller from impeaching Dotard".
The Priory of Sion released an official narrative that "they are just a bunch of guys who like meeting at the pool hall and hanging out with young bucks. There is no conspiracy here", they assured reporters, "Nothing to see move along".
Kaepernick said it wasn't him as he was busy practicing his nuke football run offs and wasn't really sure what a Knight Templar was, but did know they invented Black Friday. "So they can't be all bad", he claimed.
Aliens further implored the public to stop using them as the default explanation for what they don't understand. We don't do any of that fetal tissue hijacking/crop circle/Fox Mulder stuff. They bemoaned being the fall guy for all the knee jerk reactions to problems humans are just plain ignoring. Maybe we should get some better PR they mused.