Trump Not 239lbs?

Written by JTamarkin

Friday, 19 January 2018


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Following everyone's disbelief, today it was announced that Donald Trump's true body weight two days before his recent physical was 311 pounds.

A large amount of fat was sucked, 72 pounds to be exact, out of him just before his actual physical. Approximately 60 of the 72 sucked out pounds were sucked out of Trump's bulbous belly and ass with a special Kirby high-powered 50,000 horsepower moron vacuum fat sucker.

The remaining 10 pounds or so were removed from his fat head when pornstar Stormy Daniels squeezed The Donald's fat head between her record-shattering humongous boobs.

The headfat was said to resemble a gelatinous inert goo from the Make America Great Please Trump dumpster behind the Jell-O plant in Mason City, Iowa.

The 72 pounds of crap removed from Trump is still being analyzed. Preliminary findings show that most of the gunk from Trump is leftover KFC chicken skin lard and remnants of McDonald's plasticized fat patties.

Plans are being made to reprocess this foul smelling blob of Trump splooge to feed thousands of needy drug addicts in Parkersburg, West Virginia who voted for our current clown president.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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