Book reveals Trump's abnormal presidential lifestyle

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Thursday, 11 January 2018

image for Book reveals Trump's abnormal presidential lifestyle
Trump salutes his SS (super special) followers

It is the book the President did not want to have released. "Trump: What a fucking moron!" is available in bookshops and in word-form on the internet this week. It was written by a White House insider and dishes the dirt on all of the orange haired leader's unusual habits.

Among the astounding revelations are these:

- Trump uses a litter tray because he does not trust toilets. He often falls asleep in the litter and has to be rescued.

- Trump sleeps with a sack of cash, in $100 bills

- Trump is allergic to coconuts.

- Trump's left leg is two inches shorter than his right leg. In the morning before putting on his special shoes, he often walks around in circles getting lost.

- Trump eats a cold cheeseburger for breakfast every morning, ordered fresh from Burger Depot three hours earlier and left to cool on top of his bed.

- Trump can only count up to eight, despite having ten fingers and thumbs. He thinks thumbs don't count.

- Trump has a fear of being stuffed by a taxidermist after death, and his will gives strict instructions that he is to be quartered and buried in four separate plots. Two of them are inside two different Trump Tower buildings.

- Trump doesn't know what a constitution is.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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