BILLINGSGATE POST: As earlier reported, erstwhile lover Slim Everdingle lost one of his legs while in an amorous tryst with Annibal Lector, the daughter of infamous cannibal, Hannibal Lector.
Not a handsome man; some would say he was downright ugly, Slim had a one night stand with Ms. Lector in a seedy Denver hotel after both had shared a Honolulu hash cocktail at the Kiss My Ass Bar and Apothecary in downtown Denver. Now legal in Colorado, the cocktail, a mixture of two parts hashish and one part Jim Beam whiskey, was specifically concocted to "airbrush your blemishes and remove your 'hibations."
Apparently it lived up to its advertising. After an amorous evening that left the resident cockroaches scampering to avoid the biblical onslaught of two bodies fighting for sexual dominance, Annibal Lector woke up to the scent of vinegar and horse liniment permeating the room. With Slim's right leg resting akimbo across her mons pubis, theoretically she had a potential deal breaker for allowing a polite exit strategy.
"That's the ugliest son-of-a-bitch I have ever slept with," she murmured to herself. "How the f..k am I going to get out of here without waking him up?"
Glancing at her wristband that had the letters, WWDD (What Would Daddy Do), she said, "What the Hell."
Slim woke up with a throbbing headache and a missing leg. Calling the whole episode "a one night stand gone bad," he told reporters that he "regretted looking for leg in all the wrong places."
"If there is a moral to this story," Slim offered graciously, "I would suggest that you never allow anyone to nail one of your feet to the floor so that the only thing you can do is run around in circles.
When I turned 18, my father took me aside. Putting his arm on my shoulder, he said, 'Son, if you ever find yourself with no place to go and nothing to lose, head for the roundhouse Nelly, they can't corner ya there.'"
FOOTNOTE: Slim passed away before he ever found his missing leg. He was found frozen in a snowbank wearing a pair of faded, one-legged Levis and a Denver Broncos T-shirt. It had John Elway's number on it. It was the same shirt he was wearing when he had his leg chawed off by Annibal Lector. Seven used to be his lucky number.