Written by Aspartame Boy

Sunday, 4 June 2017

image for The Sulk Institute Announces the New Universal Vaccination Mandate
Local dentists are explaining the process to clients

La Jolla, CA - Lizzy Lackbrain of the Sulk Institute held a major press conference today at noon to announce a new policy that will forever change how mankind protects itself from disease causing organisms.

Babys, children and adults will no longer be given vaccines made from specific organisms. Dr. Lackbrain explained that the local environment must be considered.

She explained it makes no sense to vaccinate against bugs that aren't even in your township. Everyone should be inoculated with a customized mixture consisting of organisms present in that persons environment.

Dr. Lackbrain explains she was cleaning her shoe of some canine excremental materials when the brilliant idea floored her. Everyone has a sample of all the dangerous bugs on their shoes already!

The new vaccination program consists of a simple modification to oral hygiene routines. After brushing, simply lick one of your shoe soles and take a drink of an aspartame sweetened beverage. The shoe provides the live germs and the aspartame kills them. The immune system does the rest.

On the news, vaccine company stock dove but Coke was way up.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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